Going on Year 7 of non remission, remission.

Good day All my Lovely Thrivers!

It has been a while and I am so sorry. This forum helped me through so much and I am hoping that everyone is living thier best lives.

I sure have been trying. My beautiful boy will be turning 4 at the end of the month. I still can not believe I was blessed with his beautiful spirit. Although each day in the back of my mind I fear of him losing his mother to something out of my control.

I have been finally working on living a healthier life. I have lost 20 lbs and being active. Not just for myself but for him.

To be honest, as great as life has been I am waiting for the shoe to drop. I am also awaiting results for a mammogram and even if I have this done every 6 months, the waiting still brings on axiety and fear, crying in a corner so that my family and friends are unaware.

Not wanting them to worry, and not wanting to hear "ahhh, it's almost 7 years now, it's all done with."  I know this is something people feel beacuse they don't know. Or thier way of comforting me. It only upsets me.

When hitting my 5 year mark and being so excited about hearing the words remission, and actually hearing that I will never be in remission with the type of Cancer I had really left a mark on me.

I live day to day, trying to take in the important moments, trying to love everyone I come to know.  People need to realize how important every interaction is. That the conversation you have with a person/friend, may be the last. Make that conversation a good one.  I try not to have these morbid thoughts but it lingers constantly.

My next Oncology appointment is on August 17th and that is when I should get my results but the worry is killing me and I know I should stay positive but it's so darn hard.

My thoughts run amock and I can't help them.
If I were to get diagnoised again, how would I react? What if it spread? What if I can't survive another round of this? How will my son survive without his Momma? Will my husband be ok? Who will help them? Who will miss me? Did I leave my mark on the world? Did I touch people's lives in a good way?
I know I need to just place the thoughts in back of my mind. I try to. It is difficult for me to live day to day normally when this is all i think about. Some months are easier than others.

Am I the only one that feels this way? Please comment or leave a message. Cause I honestly to feel insane.

xo

Jill, MinisterNeecy sent you a hug.
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Oh my Mary you are not alone in this, I would guess that there is not a single person in this blog who has not had thoughts like these. I hope you might find some help through counseling or support groups via your oncologist - don't let these reflections rule your life!

HUGS
Thank you Helen for your continuous support. I think I will mention this to my oncologist at my next appointment.
Here's an article that might help:
https://www.curetoday.com/community/dana-stewart/2018/07/a-smile-a-day-keeps-the-cancer-fears-away?
Mary likes this comment
Hi Mary Your little guy has really grown! so cute... You have done amazing in everything you do. You only have this minute no matter how you might want to control things. The best thing you can do for you and your family is be close to God. You will find your comfort there and reassurance that he has you and your family in his hands. You need to develop a relationship and out if that you will find real strength and guidance. I do it myself. I always feel better after I let it go and let God take care of me. Teach your son to know God and he will never be alone. Pray as a family and get grounded in the feeling of family with God . That truly is what wil give you relief.
I am so happy to see you here. Love you and I will be praying for you and waiting to hear your good news. Hugs and love and always prayers Sabina
Mary,
I think all of us are "waiting for the shoe to drop." I doubt that feeling (cloud) ever goes away. ..especially, having a young child.
That said, CONGRATULATIONS on 7 years!!!
Hugs!!

Carol
Happy birthday week! Hope your results were favorable
Happy birthday week! Hope you and your family are well
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Vital Info

Posts

August 8, 2012

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

September 14, 1982

Cancer Info

Breast Cancer

October 18, 2011

Stage 2

Grade 2

Yes

The fear it instills into people. Chemo & how life changes with one word.

There are so many good people in the world. So many angels.

Spread the word about breast cancer & to be positive.

Just being there. A phone call, a visit even if I don't seem in the mood.

Anna Laberge

Sleep, water, and I had really bad taste in my mouth and the best thing was having Freezies in the freezer.

CRY! Never hold in your emotions. even if you need to just get in a shower and cry your eyes out. Also, talk to someone when you need to.

May 14, 2012

A lump in my left breast the size of a ping pong ball.

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